You know, when you don't blog for about three years you're either really busy, really lazy, or really don't have anything meaningful to say.  Maybe I feel like all of those are true for me.  So, how 'bout an update?

Tayler and Haley are going to the local high school.  They both are learning drivers. They both made it into the concert choir for next year!  Haley wears her hair straight and just got contacts.  Tayler wears her hair curly and usually wears glasses. They have jobs. They're growing up almost as fast add when they were newborns. I won't be ready to let them go when it's time to.

Chase loves Snap Circuits. He is creative and smart. He loves to tease anyone and anything and often makes Lily growl and bark as well as his mother and sisters, and sometimes even his father.  He will be going to the local public school this fall and he's excited to "finally have friends!" (Updating in this subject should be interesting.) He is as tall as I am, now, and taller than the girls (which they hate). Eric says if Chase grows taller than him, he's going to stop feeding him.  He's a tough, skinny kid, and very cute.  Ugh. I don't look forward to girls bugging him.

Emily it's as darling and messy as ever. She is so sweet and artistic she makes loving cards for the whole family.  I wish she would clean up after herself without being told (yelled at/scolded).  I hate when I get mad at/frustrated with her. She is SO sweet/thoughtful. I am thinking about homeschooling her instead of doing online school, if I don't send her off to school too!

 I'm boring. Eric says so. But it's true. I am. I don't even like being around me (too bad I'm stuck to myself!) I school the kids, cook, do laundry, clean (though not as much as someone would like. Might be me; you never know), shuttle kids around, grocery shop, try to faithfully do my visiting teaching, sing in the ward choir, work on my calling in primary, referee (and sometimes get involved in) way too many fights in the home, wish I was somewhere else doing something else...I am boring. I don't even know what I'd rather be doing because I feel like what I am doing is the most important thing right now. I don't really dare to dream. Or do I?  Because maybe I can.

Eric works. He exercises. He eats. He works. He watches shows. He tries to get us out of the house to do fun things like hiking, shooting, four wheeling. He works. He takes me on dates. He sometimes picks the girls up from/drops them of at work. He works on his ward financial clerk calling.  Did I say he works? He really hates that part.

Utah How I LOVE Thee!

Now that we've been in Utah for over 7 months (but not 8) I think it's safe to call it home again.

After years of being told we'd never live here again (and years trying to convince myself that that was true), I am SO happy to be back!

I knew I love it here! Mountains! They are amazing and beautiful! They offer skiing, tubing, snowshoeing, and beauty in the winter and hiking, camping, fishing, beautiful waterfalls, lakes, and views in the summer. I LOVE to look at them! I LOVE to be in them! I love the way they smell (except when there's a rotting carcass nearby), I love the way they sound, I love the animals they shelter and provide for, I love their rocky edges and their quaking aspens, fresh pine, wild roses and mint! I wish I could bottle it up and bring it home but then I wouldn't have as nice legs! lol

I LOVE the cool nights in the summertime! I LOVE it when we're camping and it's chilly enough to have to snuggle close to my hubby for warmth! I LOVE that my nose is cold and the rest of me is warm! I LOVE roasting hot dogs over the fire and smelling the camp smoke on my clothes. I love the delicious goo called S'mores (because who doesn't want s'more?). I LOVE trying to roast a marshmallow to perfection (even though we know Eric is THE master at this art). I love throwing paper plates in the fire and calling the dishes "done" (I know the kids do, too)! I love that when we're camping and we wake up things aren't wet! (Or at least they dry fast). Unlike camping in the humid south where everything is wet and you HAVE to use a towel so your tent doesn't get moldy. I love camping here.

I LOVE the tug on the line when a fish takes the bait! I LOVE the excitement of wondering what the catch is! It's like a present every time! (Gutting it and cooking it are another story).

I LOVE the lizards that we catch, and the ones we don't. I LOVE to see snakes and I'm grateful to have never run in to one that rattles! I LOVE seeing, moose, deer, elk, mountain sheep (whatever they're called), coyotes, rabbits and even the bajillion squirrels that I occasionally call raccoons for some ODD reason (I really don't know why). I would LOVE to see a mountain lion! It would be even better if it's not hunting but even if it is I would love to see one, in the wild!

I don't want to claim that I "LOVE" this, but it is something that I do to identify what wildlife may be near. I look at poop. There I said it. I look closely at poop to see what the animal has eaten. I get sticks to poke at poop to see what's inside. I saw some moose poop (I'm pretty sure because I lived in Alaska twice and I saw it a lot there. On the store shelves, no less!). Anyway, I saw moose poop and right next to it was another poop that I would like to think was mountain lion poop. It had a piece of vertebrae in its poop!!!! I know, right? That is CRAZY!!!! That thing ate bones!!! MAYBE it was a coyote, but I'm hoping for a mountain lion (because that would mean that it comes where I go and maybe someday I could see it)!

I LOVE MY FAMILY! My little Emily rocks! She takes on the huge hikes and still wants to ride her bike "when we get home" (at least that's what she says when we're at the top). We have good times.

Thank you, Utah, for being SO awesome! (And I haven't even mentioned Southern Utah)

Dear Lyla (a poem for a dear friend of mine whose daughter recently passed away)

Dear Lyla

I love you more than rainbows

I love you more than rain

I love you more than I miss you

I love that I’ll see you again

I miss you every moment

My heart feels more than ache

The pain is almost unbearable

I almost think it will break.

I’m grateful for the memories

I’m grateful for the love

I am grateful for you, my gift,

Given from heav’n above

You’re precious and I knew it

Long before I bore you

I never took you for granted

You are special and I knew

I will always love you

And we’ll never be apart

I am always with you

And you’re always in my heart

Thank you for showing me

What life is all about

Thank you for all the joy

I will live to shout it out

All the words you never said

Pound within my chest

I hear you with my heart

And that will give me rest

Yes, I always love you

And I know you love me, too

We will be together again

When this life is through

Til then I’ll keep on livin’

I’ll give each day my best

I love my life, e’en when it’s hard

I know that I’ve been blessed

I love you more than rainbows

I love you more than rain

I love you more than I miss you

I love that I’ll hold you again.

October 14th, 2009

(Emily just came up to me and, with her sleeve pulled up, she flexed her muscle and said "This is my pound of rock!" I said, "Mmm-hmm" and she said, "Is it big?" And I said, "Yep it is!" (while I was touching it). Then she said, "I eat broccoli a lot!". She's so funny!)

MOVING!!!

MOVING to Elizabethtown, KY!!!

Eric landed a job as In-house counsel, manager, and IT person for Eriksen Chiropractic. He says it's a lot different than what he's used to. I say, he's gonna love it!

We're looking for a place to rent, now, and with the military flooding into Ft. Knox we have a LOT of competition.

I/we've been praying for a miracle and we got one (well, two. The first being the job)! One showing of our house and an offer! Now we wait to see if our counter-offer is accepted. Tues. Nov, 2 by noon... Our house hasn't been on the market quite a month so this is GREAT!

We will miss our house that we finished making how we like it! But we're also looking forward to the future.

Oregon

Oregon is beautiful! There were so many things to see and do there was no time to be lazy and relax!

We flew in to Portland, Oregon REALLY late and where dad and Russ picked us up and took us straight to our motel for sleep. Ahhhhhh!

We went to the Bonneville Dam and had a picnic (twice!) and watched the fish swim through the fish ladder. We went to a fish hatchery where we saw a 10-foot sturgeon. We drove up to Mt. St. Helen (well, close enough anyway). It was beautiful. We hiked the mile up to Multinoma Falls for that beautiful view. We went to the OMSI museum where Chase tried his hand at being a weatherman on TV and we discovered just how cold Haley and I are in thermal-imaging cameras. We also got to pet a walking stick and a snake. We drove down the coast a bit and got to sample the wonderous Tilamook Cheese (we did this twice, too), food from their cafeteria, and the delicious ice cream, as well as watch the factory workers do there things and shop in the gift shop. We finished our drive down to Newport where we searched the tide pools for creatures. We found purple and orange "sea stars", sea anenamies of many colors, a strange worm thingy that broke itself apart when touched, sand crabs, little fish, and hermit crabs. The days were chilly but the wind was cold, so we stayed bundled up while we played. Some of us went deep sea fishing (where I cought the catch of the day. A 32-inch, 13 1/2 pound Ling Cod, and a few other fish), while the others went to an underwater museum. We saw sea lions gripe at each other for a spot on floating docks. We went to the Oregon Aquarium. Ian (my brother) and I went to Seal Cave (when it was pouring rain) and saw and heard LOTS of sea lions and, through binoculars, watched some swim in the ocean. We had some delicious clam chowder. Oh did I mention that I caught a clam with my bare hands?!!! That's a bit o' diggin'! We had a WONDERFUL time. And then we drove to Utah, where we got to see lots of family and my BFF from High School and it SNOWED in JUNE!!!!! (I did not prepare for Utah to be colder than Oregon or I would have packed more pants and long shirts!!!) What more can I say? Let the pictures speak!

Monday

I know it's Tuesday but since Monday is over I can write about it now.

I:
1 got on the computer
2 did intervals on the treadmill then 10 min. on the chi-swing.
3 had a shower, prayer, breakfast
4 saw a big, female turkey fly 20' in front of my van on my way to drop a book off at the library, go to the grocery store, bank, and I took a quick look around Walgreen's
5 unloaded groceries
6 got on the computer
7 emptied Emily's drawers
8 glued Emily's drawers
9 emptied Chase's drawers
10 sorted Chase's clothes (dirty/laundry, too small/give away pile, clean/folded, sorted and put back in drawers)
11 back on computer
12 remembered while IMing with Eric that I forgot to eat lunch, so I got off computer and ate a butter and banana sandwich and some almonds.
13 um...I probably got back on the computer...I don't remember
14 made lasagna and a salad (romain lettuce, spinach, fresh sweet potatoes and beets (thickly grated), Eric had Ranch dressing and I made a garlic vinegar with garlic juice, basalmic vinegar and white vinegar)
15 ate lasagna and salad. They were yummy.
16 cleaned up the kitchen (Eric swept and took the garbage out, I washed dishes)
17 we watched a little bit of news that was talking about our Tornado Watch that was in effect
18 when we lost satellite connection because of the weather we watched The Amazing Race that we had recorded on the DVR, and ate some Kit Kats and Twix's while we watched.
19 we watched I tidbit of Dancing With the Stars and then made some popcorn (killing some time while 24 was recording so we could watch it and fast forward through commercials.
20 ate popcorn and watched 24
21 scriptures, teeth, prayer, bed

I think the kids got to ride horses. I can't wait to hear about it.

What a day! I don't know what to say... It's different!

I knew they would come...

The day after my last post I was already beginning to feel better. These days are getting so much better.

It's amazing how hard it is to "Let go, and let God". (I have magnet on my fridge that says that). It reminds me to let go of the things I can't control and let God take care of it.

I could drive myself crazy searching for the lost disc of curriculum and be frustrated each day that I don't find it, OR I can let it go and if I do find it some day, be grateful! I decided to do the latter because, quite frankly, I have a hard enough time being satisfied with each day.

I am feeling much more at peace, content, and happy with the kids, with homeschool (I changed Chases English), with my marriage, and with job-searching (for a legal job for Eric). I am enjoying the sunshine this morning and the prospect of spring weather for the rest of the week! I am grateful for Eric's help, support, and love.

I need to enjoy the good around me and stop trying to make it "ideal", that way I can limit comparisons and recognise progress. Then the kids will know that their efforts are not in vain. Perfection is not required but effort is.

I am grateful that I can teach my children that homosexuality is not okay and that tolerance doesn't mean giving in to people's ideas of making what they're doing wrong, seem right. I am grateful that I can teach my children about chastity without the opposite being flaunted in their faces in the bathroom stalls, hallways, conversations (heard or overheard), and even in classrooms. I am grateful to be able to teach them about being responsible (though it seems an impossible task, at times). I am grateful that they are smart, that they are growing and learning and that I get to be part of that. I am grateful that they get to learn about our great nation's beginnings and the faithful men and women (what good man doesn't have a good woman behind him?) that worked so hard to build it's Constitution. I am grateful that we get to have prayer in our school; it is necessary. I am grateful that perfection isn't required but effort is (in school).

Yay! for happy days!

AARRGGGHHH!

No I'm not being a pirate.

I must be depressed. Lately, I feel like I hate my life. Do you ever feel that way?
I HATE feeling that way.

I like to read NieNie (check my sidebar, she has a blog there) because she has it much harder than I do and she perseveres through it all. I love her. She is honest, even when it's ugly. And she helps me put my "AAARRRGGGGHHHH's" into perspective.

Do you ever find it hard to be honest with yourself? I do.

Like why, honestly, do I choose to homeschool? I don't know all the honest answers to that question BUT I HONESTLY don't have the patience for it! That doesn't mean I quit (though many days I'd like to). It means...I don't know...I NEED a break SOMETIME! And I cannot HONESTLY figure out what in the world would give me just the break I need. I think about vacation, but then the coming home part hits me like a hammer. Nothing will have changed at home. I think about them going to their Aunt's for a week, and I think about all the housework that I want to accomplish while they're away (not a break for me). I think about all the things they "should" be doing and I see every day that it's not the way it's "supposed" to be and I am frustrated.

Why can't I be calm?
I know. It's because it is MY responsibility to teach them and I feel responsible when they fail. That's honest. If they fail I feel like it's my fault. And I wonder, how would I feel if I sent them to school and they failed? Would it be the teacher's fault? We'd say "no", right? It doesn't make it easier. It is a heavy load to carry. And I'm the one that determines what "fail" is for them. It stinks. Responsibility stinks. There's no one else to blame. I am responsible.

Did I mention that I lost a disc of curriculum that costs $100? That, too, STINKS. And so far I haven't been able to hear the Spirit whisper to me where I can find it. Which doesn't help my attitude. Which leads me to feel more like, "I hate my life". It's temporary. But it stinks. I can't wait til this part of my life has "came to pass" and I can move on to the part where I say, "I LOVE MY LIFE!" I have been there before and I hope to be there again, VERY SOON!

Did I also mention that my house is a perpetual mess? That STINKS royally!, to me. I CANNOT stand a dirty house, so the fact that the kids are home 24/7 to make messes (even though they DO clean) makes me pretty much insane! Every time I turn around there is ANOTHER mess and I know you'd like to think I am exaggerating, because I often do exaggerate, but I am not. I am being honest. One mess gets cleaned and another is made. And the noise of 4 children and their mother cooped up in the same house with the same people for months on end...I'm sure you can imagine.

Honestly. There should be moderation in ALL things. We ALL need a break.

I am grateful for the sun that is mostly out today. I sure do need it.
I am grateful for a sister-in-law that is willing to keep all of my kids for a whole week (if they can all successfully get a B or higher on a Math quiz).
I am grateful for General Conference coming quickly to give me a break from Nursery.
I am grateful for my hubby who can fix cars (and vans), and computers, and so many other things, and whose gentle touch calms me faster than ice melts in Arizona.
I am grateful for children who love their mother even though they've heard her yell more than any NBA coach ever has.
I am grateful for a vacation in Oregon and Utah in May where I get to see some of my family for two whole weeks.
I am grateful for a healthy body because I have a love/hate relationship with exercise.
I am grateful for our Savior. Because without Him I would fail. And I'm grateful for the Holy Ghost that lets me know it's true.
I am grateful for the bad days because it helps me appreciate the good one's. I think I'm ready for some good one's.
I am grateful that the warm weather is almost here so I can thaw out! I DO like it WARM!!!
I am grateful for chocolate, I don't know exactly why. The smell and the flavor are awesome but the having to burn the calories is no picnic.
I am grateful for life, even when I don't "love" it.

Homeschool

It is amazing how many people worry about your children's education when you homeschool. I guess it's because it's a curious thing. In the middle of the day if you go to Goodwill the checkout lady may ask why your children aren't in school and when you tell her that you homeschool she asks how long the kids school each day. When you let her know that they're done when they're done she gives up the questions with a "hmm". Discontent. As if learning is measured by hours, like a job.
Nobody else would worry what my children were learning if they were in public school. They wouldn't worry about them being bullied, or harassed, or falling behind, or being bored because they're smart and have to wait for other students. They may even say that those experiences are necessary to my children's education. Don't they know what being a sibling is like? There are plenty of opportunities to learn about being bullied, harassed, and conflict resolution within the home. Believe me! I'm still learning it all!
They wouldn't worry that some agenda was being pushed that doesn't cooincide with my beliefs or that my child would have a curriculum emphasized in certain areas because our school system scored low in those areas on the standardized tests, slacking off on the other portions of my children's education that I think are important. They don't care that you only get to see your children for a few short hours a day and that some, if not a lot, of that time is doing homework (you know, school work at home, homeschool? ;oD).
But I would.
So my children don't fit the mold of the masses...I prefer it that way. I've seen the way the masses are headed.

Rambles on My Mind "My Fight"

The sun is fading fast
The night is almost gone
There is work yet to do
Time is moving on

Choices have been made
The price must now be paid
The cost is far too dear
The due-date drawing near

Shadows hover overhead
Drowning out the light
I search and search the world
I search with all my might

A ray of hope
The freedom song
Be rid of the pain
Faith in God
And Jesus Christ
Let freedom come again

Socialism's crept in our veins
And threatens every nerve
Yet, so patient and quietly it came
We never knew to swerve

Now that it's upon us
And the poison's taking effect
We must fight even harder
The venom to deject

Always we want peace
But not at this expense
We took it all "brotherly"
How does that make sense?

Poison with a smile
Delivered bit by bit
Poisoned with guile
But we mustn't quit

Place me in the front
Let me lead the way
Join with me to take them down
We must act today

Don't let them make me do
Whatever it is they say
There's no room for a government
That behaves that way

Federal this and federal that
They tax me to the grave
They wonder why we're failing

Sombody give 'em a mirror and stand with me til we've won.

The Smile in My Heart

I know I'm not very good at this anymore, but.....I had to write this.

Last week (at least I think it was last week...sometime...)Emily was sitting on my lap on the recliner and we were snuggling. She said "I just love you so much. What? do I have to send love notes on paper airplanes while your sleeping, or something? I just love you so much!"

What can I say? She makes me happy.

Eric...he SWORE...

Eric swore today. Swore to...I don't remember..."uphold the law..." or something about duelling.....It was great! But the drive down to Frankfort was icky. Emily decided not to eat dinner last night (homemade chicken pot-pie) and this morning didn't feel good but ate a few bites of pancake anyway. I packed her some yogurt and a pancake for the road and, thankfully, an extra outfit. About half an hour into the drive she burped (you know the kind that comes right before the eruptionl...) I asked her if she was going to vomit and she said "I don't know..." and just then it spewed all over. It hit the back of the driver's seat, and she put her hands over her mouth so it was spraying out the holes (you know the way it does when you cover part of the hose...). Yeah...so...I switched places with Tayler real quick (after Emil finished puking in the bucket), and I spent a good 20 min. cleaning up puke. The van is stinky. We made it to the ceremony just in the nick of time and were late enough to get the best seats in the courtroom!!! I am thanking our Father in Heaven for blessing me with the wisdom to have brought all the things necessary for this day to be successful, if not ideal (including the newly purchased -FOR THE VAN- antibacterial wipes that I put in the van yesterday)!!! Anyway, Eric is officially an attorney in the state of Kentucky! We went to Texas Roadhouse to celebrate (3 of the kids had free kid's meal coupons). Mmmmm. And now what??? Time for a new adventure...I'm waiting...

YAY, WE DID IT AGAIN!!!!

12:21pm I found out that Eric passed the bar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Tears of joy and relief and gratitude here!

My Dear Emily; How She Brings a Smile to My Heart (and face).

Emily just came in from her morning run and said that crows were playing tag with a pigeon and a crow tagged the pigeon and it died. "It had a peck in it", she said as she was using her little hands and fingers to "peck" at her side. I said "Really? You SAW that?" and Emily said, "Well...I know they were playing tag because Haley told Tayler 'Look, Tayler, it's been tagged!'"

Oh she is so much fun, can't she just stay this way! Innocence truely is blissful! What a great start to my morning!

Grandma and Grandpa Came to Town!

I don't like that these go in reverse order. But I guess you'll get the story from the end to the beginning. We saw this huge frog! I should have put my foot in the picture for you to understand what I'm talking about but this was BIG!!! It was in the middle of the road (to the entrance of a parking lot by a lake/pond. My dad tried to catch it in a McDonald's cup and ended up holding it for a bit. I wish I had it on video. My dad holding this big frog out away from his body and the frog winding its back legs trying to get away. It was comical.

We went to Fort Boonesborough where this lady taght us about making soap. I wish I could remember what she said the consistancy the soap was in the old days but she said it twice and it was funny because she acted like she hadn't already said that to us. Maybe a little too much lye on the brain.

After we got to the motel we went to this nice park and had a picnic. It rained a tiny bit but we had a good time. That night we went swimming. We had a great time.

We went on a B.B. Riverboat cruise/tour of Cincinnati. It was a little hot and humid but not sweltering. We heard about things that we should have seen but had trouble finding what he was talking about. We did see a church that was mentioned though. I also saw a man riding a bike on a part of a road that was parallel to the river and he was going faster than we were (and he wasn't racing).

Dad and Mom (Grandma and Grandpa) came to visit in June and we are SO glad they did! We love when we get to spend time with them and see and do new things. Thanks for the great time!

Two Months Ago...

I took the kids to the zoo.

To see the gorillas and such...

The girls got real checks!

All because it was their Birthday!!!

Aren't they beautiful young ladies!?!

Go Here!

If you want to see someone with lots of creativity and adventure, who whirls like a tornado but doesn't cause destruction, go HERE.

YAY, WE DID IT

The day of his FINAL, final!!! He's protesting the picture because he's "really not DONE". Oh well...the FINAL, final day is picture-worthy to me.

Someone in his office (I don't remember her name...) decorated his cube. For sweet!!!

Dressed for graduation (well...without the robe), keepin' busy.

Finishing busy work before we leave to graduation...

If he'd just hold STILL one second...and look happy? (BTW he was happy, just a bad pic, he really wouldn't be still.)

YAY, WE DID IT

The graduate!!!

The baby...

The boy...

The proud, happy wife...
(the twins rode with grandmom and grandad in the truck behind us. But not that red one you see :o), my big head is blocking the view to their truck).

Waiting in line...